Men VS Women

So I'm going to try typing out this post on my nifty iPhone. Here goes. Ehem. Dear gursikh brothers and sisters. I love and respect all of you. However, sometimes I feel the need to scold you since I get massive ego trips. This is one of those times. The older I get and mind you, I'm only in my early twenties, I've noticed how much I've grown since my teenage years with Maharaj's endless grace. That being said, I know I still have a lot more growing to do internally. My brothers: you are male. That means you are given special treatment. Great. Just don't be a dick about it. And by that I mean, you have no right to tell your sister(s)/wife/mother what they can or can't do. Why? Because you have no idea what its like to have societal pressures forced on you because of your gender. You have no idea what it's like to be compensated less for the same occupation. You have no idea what it's like when you're hated on by even your own parents for being born a woman. I could go on but the point is, you don't have the right to treat a woman the same way society treats her. Especially if you call yourself a Sikh of Guru Nanak Dev Sahib Ji Maharaj. Guru Sahib saw women on an equal level. I'm not trying to argue that men and women are the same because they're different in their own respects. For example, when you tell a woman she should not wear makeup, dress a certain way, etc., why? What are you getting out of telling her that? One, she's most likely familiarized with every rehitnama out there so thanks for repeating it one more time (not). Two, she already feels insecure about herself so bravo to you for making her feel even shittier. Finally, so what? It's her body and it's her choice! You're a guy for heaven's sake! You don't have the need to do your eyebrows, paint your nails, wear a dress but you act like a drama queen as soon as you see a bibi doing it. And that's a shame. An utter shame on your part. Do this instead: swallow your manly pride and stop yourself from creating any verbal diarrhea of any sort. Instead, treat that woman with the respect and dignity she deserves because she's not gonna get that anywhere else. Let her be. My sisters: men can be total dicks. But that's just the way it is. However, that does not excuse you from being a bitch to another woman. If anything you should empathize with her as she faces the same struggles you do everyday. Oh you found out she hits up the laser clinic eh? Nows the perfect opportunity to hate on her and talk shit behind her back. NO! Shame on you! You're doing exactly what some of your ignorant brothers are doing. Why? What gives you the right to make her feel terrible about her choices? Exactly. You have no right either so just stop. We need to end our backstabbing and shit talking. I do it too so I'm just as guilty. So to conclude, respect works both ways for both men and women. Let's try to inspire each other to read Gurbani, sing kirtan, meditate, do seva and so forth instead of playing "rehit police" all day long. You just gotta do your own thang and inspire by leading by example. May our maturity level rise so that we can always keep it real.

What is Love? Baby Don't Hurt Me No More

It's funny what this does to us.
But there's different kinds of love. I mean, there's romantic love. Which is, according to popular media, a dream in which two people meet, fall in 'love'. Then theres love that you feel for your kin. Then there's love that you feel for Waheguru.
I would say that the first type of love, romance, makes people go crazy. I've had this love (I've been in love that is, not had someone love me back). Its insane. Its temporary because you can have romantic love for many people. When you fall out of love for someone you can always find another. This type of love is hard. You can be permanantly scarred from it. And FYI its NEVER like how it is in the movies. Bollywood romances are complete lies. In any case, I would say that this type of love is the hardest to deal with once it consumes you. It makes you forget who you are and for a period of time you are infatuated: your mind and soul are under the influence of the person you've fallen for. (haha now that I think about it, it makes me seem like a total dumbass.)
The second type of love is a lot better to deal with. However, in my experience, I have never shown this love as much as I should. Your family, those people who are there for you in your life: brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. Friends count as family too. These people you feel an unspoken love for. I've never told my parents I love them. Does that kill me? Yes sometimes because I fear that the day they leave this world I will regret not telling them or showing them. BUT they know it exists because its an unspoken truth. My siblings, love them to death, but again: unspoken truth. This love is a great love to have if its not taken for granted. But even this type of love can be broken. I've seen siblings hate eachother. I've seen parents abuse their children. I've seen friends who leave you in the dark. Even these people, your own kin, can turn against you in a heartbeat. It just has to be a good enough reason (money, jealousy, property, power, etc).
Finally, there's love for Waheguru. (I wouldn't be surprised if someone rolled their eyes at this explaination. Trust me, in the current state I am in, I would too). Speaking from experience, this is the ONLY type of love that doesn't end up f*cking you over in some way. I can love Akal Purakh as much or as little (lately, its been little) as I want, and I won't end up hurt. If anyone would like to challenge me on this you are more than welcome. There's times where I turn my face away from Him out of stubbornness but when I let Him into my mind even for a second, its explosive. Its unreal. Your heart has never felt anything like it. Romantic love looks like crap after you've experienced love for Waheguru. However, I haven't felt like how I've felt in a long time. I need to rekindle my romance before I do something drastic: leave this path for good. That's when I realized: what makes me love Him? Its Bani. I lost my love for Bani because I lost touch with it. Yah I do my nitnem by half listening to it on my way to work/school. That's not love, thats just lame. Its a formality to me.
So, with that said dear Sikhs...I'm on a downward spiral into manmukh central. Why? I haven't connected to Bani in so long and I haven't been going to sangat much. I look like a Gurmukh on the outside but if I don't connect with Bani soon, I will soon become a Beymukh, a monee. Do I have the balls to go get a haircut? Probably not yet, but don't think it hasn't crossed my mind. So my advice to those who have the third type of love I just wrote about. Don't ever let that go if you have it. You would be a total douche to let it go. Don't let the world make you feel like your Sikhee saroop is ugly or stupid. Bani is so important if you want to stay on this path.
If you happen to have the first type of love: don't let it make you forget who you are and don't ever let it consume you. If you have the second type, don't take it for granted.
-Keep it real.

Uh, Finally!

Wasn't able to post for months! FINALLY!
Ok, so I forgot half the stuff I was supposed to post about.
Whatevs...I have to focus for the next year anyways...and by focus...I mean on school work because TAA DAA! its my last year of uni. HELL YEAH!
I'll try to find time to come back here but we'll see...
For now...enjoy this coldplay song:

http://youtu.be/mzxoLZXF9SI

(YOU MEAN WE CAN'T LISTEN TO ANYTHING BESIDES KIRTAN?...get over yourself...)

;) keep it real.

Ramblings!

HAHAHA friends what a wonderful accomplishment...I've made it on to sikhiwiki's list of sikh bloggers! Whats the description of my blog?
"Ramblings"
Alright...I'll take that...and I'll run with it too...
Now, before I celebrate my new found celebrity status...let me assure you that my ramblings don't come easy. It takes a lot of careful typing and editing.
Alright, alright, I get it... I'm the old Bibi Ji sittin in the langar hall rambling away...except I use my laptop instead of my extremely high pitched voice that seems to overtake the speaker system when the dhadhi singh are on...don't act like you've never encountered her...
Hey...I keep it real ;)
My heavy course work is coming to an end so I'll soon have some more ramblings for those who dare to read...

Who else?

I beg and beg but who else can I beg from other than You?
I complain that I don't get the things I want...but who else can I complain to but You?

< / 3

My heart can only be broken so many times. My heart can only be ripped out of my chest once. I cannot bear anymore.
So why, Lord, do you keep shattering me? My vessel is empty, how much more are you going to take away?
Theres a treasure sitting in front of me so I reach over to grab it but as I attempt to do so, either my hands get chopped off or the treasure is ripped out of my grips.
I dont want to question our love anymore but why is it that you make me question it?
But then again I've always stupidly thought that success/material goods/happyness are the result of your love? Are they not? Am I just stupid? Probably...but please, stop breaking me...I can't take anymore...

True Devotion

There are jewels hidden from the harsh eyes of the world. One such jewel of a person is an elderly man in his 80s. Hunchbacked with a walk at the pace of a turtle, this man's will power is beyond his ability in age. He makes his way to the gurudwara sahib twice a day by bus even in the minus 30 degree weather of this city just to catch a glimpse of his true love, just to serve at the feet of the one that cherishes him. Today was one of those freezing winter days where he made his way by the transit bus but we were lucky enough to catch him going home before he had the chance to get to the bus shelter. "Baba ji! We can drop you off at home we are going the same way!". He was apprehensive to say the least but finally he hopped into the back seat of our truck. After reaching his home, he folded his hand in graditude to us and slowly made his way over to his doorstep. We waited to see if he would get in. 5 minutes had passed and despite his efforts in ringing the doorbell, no one answered. He frantically dug through the pockets of his jacket and kurta only to realize he had left his keys inside the house. "Baba ji! Come sit in the truck, its very cold...come to our house until your family comes home". Our pleas continued for at least 10 minutes but he wouldnt budge. "NO! I'm fine, I'm not cold", he argued, "I'm not worried about the cold, only the one above worries about the cold". Mind you, this man had on no gloves, no scarf, no longjohns. In this weather, one could suffer from frostbite within minutes of exposure. He continued, "The one above me takes care of me, only He worries for me, please go home now and stop worrying about me". There was still an hour before his family would come home from work. My heart sank, how could we just leave him here? What if he freezes to death? It was clear that he was getting very agitated with us. What could be done? His trust in Waheguru was stronger than any plea we could've made to him. Eventually, we left. I can't stop feeling guilty about leaving him but I learned a very valuable lesson today about trusting God even in the most difficult situations. And to respect my elders. Elder abuse should never happen...give your parents and grandparents rides people! They shouldn't have to take the bus while you ride around in your car like an asshole. It doesnt matter how much they refuse because they want to feel independent...its YOUR duty to make sure they get to places safely.

Death.

Went to a funeral for the first time today. Was kind of scared at first of seeing a dead body, of seeing things I have heard about, and just feeling really awkward.
I must say...it did make me think.
Today I conceptualized death in a whole new way. Before today, death was something only figurative in my mind. I mean, I know that it is inevitable, but I constantly forget that its a reality and that its occurrence is completely random. That when it happens, whether its your own death or a death of a loved one, things change dramatically. It was today that I realized that I'm always constantly forgetting that I am going to have to transition when this change happens.
Questions that crossed my mind as I stood in the crowded funeral home: when I look back at what I've done in my life, how will it effect my afterlife? What types of things will I have to repent for? What things, if any, will I be given peace for? Where does my fate lie? How will people react to my death? How will I be remembered, if I am even remembered at all?
The most important thought that has always astounded me is the thought of not existing. Of not being in this mirage of a world any more....of not being present in this temporary and perceived reality.
Today, I took away more than I expected as I cannot simply forget where I've been and where I'm headed. All I hope is that I am able to accept His will and that those around me will too when death happens to strike.
Rest in peace.

Rage attack.

I loathe it when people I know who are in relationships or currently married try to cheer me up about being single. I often get responses like, "don't worry...you will find someone" or "there's someone out there for you".
Please...spare me your empty premonitions. You cant guarantee that I will find someone or that there is someone out there for me. You cannot assure me that.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to die a lonely woman.
Here's a thought: how about you offer me your help?....you seem to be happily in love...show me how you did it!
Better yet...do you know a friend of a friend of a friend?
No you don't.
Because you are selfish and you want to rub it in my face.
Good day sir or ma'am.

Teenage Angst

Screams. Slams the door shut.
I'm acting out. Its rebellious. It makes me feel alive.
Two years passed my teenage era and I decide to start living it now.
I'm acting out so I can get what I want and to prove to you I now have the balls.
I don't care...I'm done caring...
Its teenage angst baby. Its back full throttle. Deal with it.

----------------------------------------------------------

Just kidding, too mature for that sh*t. But I do miss it...should've lived it up while I still could.
Final projects, final papers, final exams. That is all.

Poison.

A psychic once read my palm (by force...he grabbed my hand). He told me I was going to be so rich that dollar bills are going to fall from the sky and that I wont even know where its all coming from. While this would make your ordinary money hungry Joe excited beyond belief...it makes me sick. Ready for a cliche? I promise you its not a cliche...it just sounds like one but its truth:
I would trade every single dollar I had for love and happiness in this lifetime.
See...told you it sounded cliche...whatever...love and happiness are much more important...I would blow all those dollar bills on designer shoes and bags anyways and although that would make me happy for a while...sadly, the adrenaline rush doesnt last.
So then, what constitutes as love and happiness? Those definitions, my friend, only belong to me.
I'm done with the excessive spending...none of it gives me satisfaction. So why does it keep coming my way? I didnt ask for it...and I certainly never wanted it. I am slowly being poisoned. Everyones watching me die painfully as I swallow it. I can assure you...coins do not taste like chocolate...except if they are made out of chocolate...in which case mine arent. FML.

Superficiality

You're the first one to call her out if she gets regular laser treatments.
Yet, would you have even considered her as a partner if she didnt?
Sweetheart, save your breath.
We all know you want your Aishwarya Rai Mr. Singh.
The girl with the turban just aint cuttin it.
Say what?
Yeah...you heard me.

Soul mate.

Everyone has one. That one person that you connect with. That one person you meet but for some reason you can never leave. They were made for you as you were made for them.
Everyone has one. Everyone except for me.
Oh soul mate: if you exist, please come find me.
I'm not doing so well.
It gets more treacherous by the day.
Patience is not a virtue I possess.

Living in Uncertainty

I go to sleep tonight wondering if I'll be able to wake up tomorrow.
I can't promise You much, can I?
If You wake me, I'll waiver.
But I can offer You this: I want to connect...to feel You endlessly and constantly.
Slowly I am starting to fall in love with Your love.
I'm trying my best with Your help.
No promises yet.
It's coming along...
One day I will wake up knowing that I belong to the Guru and the Guru belongs to me. For now I wonder and I most definately wander.

Drenched.

Silly me...
I always fall in love with those who don't completely love me back.
Friends that never give me the time of day...
Men that I don't even have a chance with...
Family that can't always be there...
All I wanted was a little attention.
I guess its my fault in a way; I fell in love with the wrong person, the wrong people.
He's the one person thats always been there and I can say that with complete conviction since He's never left me for another even though I've cheated Him many many many times.
He's the only one who truly loves me back, probably even more than I know.
I want to be drenched in You...I want to commit to You fully and always but I don't know how.
I just...don't know how.

Telephone

Ring Ring Ring? Hello?
I've dialed Your number my love, will You answer?
The phone is ringing with the tone of Your name...waheguru waheguru waheguru....
There are many callers...yet there's no call waiting...the line never cuts...there's no static...no dead phone...it is as clear as clear can be...
I've made the call to You....when You answered my heart and soul vibrated with Your intensity...
Today I send out some of Your frequencies to the world...someone who may need it right now...someone who feels disconnected from the line....or doesn't own a decent phone...or someone with a crappy phone plan.
Hang in there...your call will be answered shortly...

Yearning

My eyes are wet, they yearn to behold Your image.
Please give me another chance, after the many chances You've given me.
Your brides enjoy Your company, please give me a second of Your valuable time, my heart aches without You.
I beg like a child, however I am as stubborn as a child, grace me with Your understanding.
I reach out my hand...I wait for You to grab it so I can get out of this deep dark pit. I wait for Your warm embrace.
My love, dont forget me no matter how much I forget You. How could I live without Your constant care. Your care is what soothes me.
Care for me always so that I may not stray too far away.
I am grateful to You.
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Off to India for a month...hope to have a good experience. I'll miss you all.

Pick and choose.

You wear religious robes, have taken the nectar, practice your sadhnaa daily...
You read many books, gather information from many resources, thinking of yourself as some specialist...
You've been blessed to be a part of the five, you've instructed and warned others of the perils...
Yet you indulge yourself and deny when called out on it.
So then what is the use of ridiculing the world? What is the use of making others feel worthless and Godless?
Tell me...where is YOUR love? Quit asking me where mine went.
You've risen to the highest level but sadly your conceit remains.
You can dish it but you can never take it.
I wish your heart was pure, you cant simply pick and choose...one day to wake up and be at your spiritual heights...the next to abandon it...and then decide that there is nothing wrong with that.
Contrary to your popular belief, you cannot have your cake and eat it too.
I'm sorry but my heart has been shattered...and many hearts who you've foul mouthed and ridiculed.
So then it comes down to this...aapai beej aapai hee khaahu

Understood.

"In this world I have seen love to be false"
Shabad by Guru Tegh Bahadur Sahib Jee
While questioning whether to sing this shabad or not, I thought to myself...have I actually experienced this? Have I actually seen love to be false? Do friends, relatives and even spouses just care about their own happiness?
Then...I realized the truth. I was rejected by my best friend and rejected by my parents all in one day. Now I know...I know that everyone says "Mine mine" but funny thing is, nothing goes along in the end. My foolish mind never listens, perhaps it never will.
Putting so much effort into recieving false love and giving false love...what use is it if you were to belong to the Guru?
So when is the day that I love the Guru? When is that moment where He resides in me and never leaves?
When will I be everything that everyone wants me to be? When will I be wanted?
My stupid questions could go on for ages. Excuse me.

Places Everyone!

What a grand show! The director has placed His actors on the world ocean's stage.
He wrote the script, all the lines are ready for execution.
Some characters are benevolent while others villainous.
Some are attached to falseness, others are caught up in the limelight and the fame.
Some are lovers....true lovers are the greatest actors of all time. They leave their mark and are remembered forever.
We are all bound by this script, whatever He has written is what is played out.
How fascinating Waheguru is!
Places everyone! Cue the lights, the show is about to begin!