Ramblings!

HAHAHA friends what a wonderful accomplishment...I've made it on to sikhiwiki's list of sikh bloggers! Whats the description of my blog?
"Ramblings"
Alright...I'll take that...and I'll run with it too...
Now, before I celebrate my new found celebrity status...let me assure you that my ramblings don't come easy. It takes a lot of careful typing and editing.
Alright, alright, I get it... I'm the old Bibi Ji sittin in the langar hall rambling away...except I use my laptop instead of my extremely high pitched voice that seems to overtake the speaker system when the dhadhi singh are on...don't act like you've never encountered her...
Hey...I keep it real ;)
My heavy course work is coming to an end so I'll soon have some more ramblings for those who dare to read...

Who else?

I beg and beg but who else can I beg from other than You?
I complain that I don't get the things I want...but who else can I complain to but You?

< / 3

My heart can only be broken so many times. My heart can only be ripped out of my chest once. I cannot bear anymore.
So why, Lord, do you keep shattering me? My vessel is empty, how much more are you going to take away?
Theres a treasure sitting in front of me so I reach over to grab it but as I attempt to do so, either my hands get chopped off or the treasure is ripped out of my grips.
I dont want to question our love anymore but why is it that you make me question it?
But then again I've always stupidly thought that success/material goods/happyness are the result of your love? Are they not? Am I just stupid? Probably...but please, stop breaking me...I can't take anymore...

True Devotion

There are jewels hidden from the harsh eyes of the world. One such jewel of a person is an elderly man in his 80s. Hunchbacked with a walk at the pace of a turtle, this man's will power is beyond his ability in age. He makes his way to the gurudwara sahib twice a day by bus even in the minus 30 degree weather of this city just to catch a glimpse of his true love, just to serve at the feet of the one that cherishes him. Today was one of those freezing winter days where he made his way by the transit bus but we were lucky enough to catch him going home before he had the chance to get to the bus shelter. "Baba ji! We can drop you off at home we are going the same way!". He was apprehensive to say the least but finally he hopped into the back seat of our truck. After reaching his home, he folded his hand in graditude to us and slowly made his way over to his doorstep. We waited to see if he would get in. 5 minutes had passed and despite his efforts in ringing the doorbell, no one answered. He frantically dug through the pockets of his jacket and kurta only to realize he had left his keys inside the house. "Baba ji! Come sit in the truck, its very cold...come to our house until your family comes home". Our pleas continued for at least 10 minutes but he wouldnt budge. "NO! I'm fine, I'm not cold", he argued, "I'm not worried about the cold, only the one above worries about the cold". Mind you, this man had on no gloves, no scarf, no longjohns. In this weather, one could suffer from frostbite within minutes of exposure. He continued, "The one above me takes care of me, only He worries for me, please go home now and stop worrying about me". There was still an hour before his family would come home from work. My heart sank, how could we just leave him here? What if he freezes to death? It was clear that he was getting very agitated with us. What could be done? His trust in Waheguru was stronger than any plea we could've made to him. Eventually, we left. I can't stop feeling guilty about leaving him but I learned a very valuable lesson today about trusting God even in the most difficult situations. And to respect my elders. Elder abuse should never happen...give your parents and grandparents rides people! They shouldn't have to take the bus while you ride around in your car like an asshole. It doesnt matter how much they refuse because they want to feel independent...its YOUR duty to make sure they get to places safely.

Death.

Went to a funeral for the first time today. Was kind of scared at first of seeing a dead body, of seeing things I have heard about, and just feeling really awkward.
I must say...it did make me think.
Today I conceptualized death in a whole new way. Before today, death was something only figurative in my mind. I mean, I know that it is inevitable, but I constantly forget that its a reality and that its occurrence is completely random. That when it happens, whether its your own death or a death of a loved one, things change dramatically. It was today that I realized that I'm always constantly forgetting that I am going to have to transition when this change happens.
Questions that crossed my mind as I stood in the crowded funeral home: when I look back at what I've done in my life, how will it effect my afterlife? What types of things will I have to repent for? What things, if any, will I be given peace for? Where does my fate lie? How will people react to my death? How will I be remembered, if I am even remembered at all?
The most important thought that has always astounded me is the thought of not existing. Of not being in this mirage of a world any more....of not being present in this temporary and perceived reality.
Today, I took away more than I expected as I cannot simply forget where I've been and where I'm headed. All I hope is that I am able to accept His will and that those around me will too when death happens to strike.
Rest in peace.

Rage attack.

I loathe it when people I know who are in relationships or currently married try to cheer me up about being single. I often get responses like, "don't worry...you will find someone" or "there's someone out there for you".
Please...spare me your empty premonitions. You cant guarantee that I will find someone or that there is someone out there for me. You cannot assure me that.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to die a lonely woman.
Here's a thought: how about you offer me your help?....you seem to be happily in love...show me how you did it!
Better yet...do you know a friend of a friend of a friend?
No you don't.
Because you are selfish and you want to rub it in my face.
Good day sir or ma'am.

Teenage Angst

Screams. Slams the door shut.
I'm acting out. Its rebellious. It makes me feel alive.
Two years passed my teenage era and I decide to start living it now.
I'm acting out so I can get what I want and to prove to you I now have the balls.
I don't care...I'm done caring...
Its teenage angst baby. Its back full throttle. Deal with it.

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Just kidding, too mature for that sh*t. But I do miss it...should've lived it up while I still could.
Final projects, final papers, final exams. That is all.