Sunday, December 19, 2010


Went to a funeral for the first time today. Was kind of scared at first of seeing a dead body, of seeing things I have heard about, and just feeling really awkward.
I must did make me think.
Today I conceptualized death in a whole new way. Before today, death was something only figurative in my mind. I mean, I know that it is inevitable, but I constantly forget that its a reality and that its occurrence is completely random. That when it happens, whether its your own death or a death of a loved one, things change dramatically. It was today that I realized that I'm always constantly forgetting that I am going to have to transition when this change happens.
Questions that crossed my mind as I stood in the crowded funeral home: when I look back at what I've done in my life, how will it effect my afterlife? What types of things will I have to repent for? What things, if any, will I be given peace for? Where does my fate lie? How will people react to my death? How will I be remembered, if I am even remembered at all?
The most important thought that has always astounded me is the thought of not existing. Of not being in this mirage of a world any more....of not being present in this temporary and perceived reality.
Today, I took away more than I expected as I cannot simply forget where I've been and where I'm headed. All I hope is that I am able to accept His will and that those around me will too when death happens to strike.
Rest in peace.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Rage attack.

I loathe it when people I know who are in relationships or currently married try to cheer me up about being single. I often get responses like, "don't will find someone" or "there's someone out there for you".
Please...spare me your empty premonitions. You cant guarantee that I will find someone or that there is someone out there for me. You cannot assure me that.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to die a lonely woman.
Here's a thought: how about you offer me your help? seem to be happily in me how you did it!
Better you know a friend of a friend of a friend?
No you don't.
Because you are selfish and you want to rub it in my face.
Good day sir or ma'am.