What is Love? Baby Don't Hurt Me No More

It's funny what this does to us.
But there's different kinds of love. I mean, there's romantic love. Which is, according to popular media, a dream in which two people meet, fall in 'love'. Then theres love that you feel for your kin. Then there's love that you feel for Waheguru.
I would say that the first type of love, romance, makes people go crazy. I've had this love (I've been in love that is, not had someone love me back). Its insane. Its temporary because you can have romantic love for many people. When you fall out of love for someone you can always find another. This type of love is hard. You can be permanantly scarred from it. And FYI its NEVER like how it is in the movies. Bollywood romances are complete lies. In any case, I would say that this type of love is the hardest to deal with once it consumes you. It makes you forget who you are and for a period of time you are infatuated: your mind and soul are under the influence of the person you've fallen for. (haha now that I think about it, it makes me seem like a total dumbass.)
The second type of love is a lot better to deal with. However, in my experience, I have never shown this love as much as I should. Your family, those people who are there for you in your life: brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. Friends count as family too. These people you feel an unspoken love for. I've never told my parents I love them. Does that kill me? Yes sometimes because I fear that the day they leave this world I will regret not telling them or showing them. BUT they know it exists because its an unspoken truth. My siblings, love them to death, but again: unspoken truth. This love is a great love to have if its not taken for granted. But even this type of love can be broken. I've seen siblings hate eachother. I've seen parents abuse their children. I've seen friends who leave you in the dark. Even these people, your own kin, can turn against you in a heartbeat. It just has to be a good enough reason (money, jealousy, property, power, etc).
Finally, there's love for Waheguru. (I wouldn't be surprised if someone rolled their eyes at this explaination. Trust me, in the current state I am in, I would too). Speaking from experience, this is the ONLY type of love that doesn't end up f*cking you over in some way. I can love Akal Purakh as much or as little (lately, its been little) as I want, and I won't end up hurt. If anyone would like to challenge me on this you are more than welcome. There's times where I turn my face away from Him out of stubbornness but when I let Him into my mind even for a second, its explosive. Its unreal. Your heart has never felt anything like it. Romantic love looks like crap after you've experienced love for Waheguru. However, I haven't felt like how I've felt in a long time. I need to rekindle my romance before I do something drastic: leave this path for good. That's when I realized: what makes me love Him? Its Bani. I lost my love for Bani because I lost touch with it. Yah I do my nitnem by half listening to it on my way to work/school. That's not love, thats just lame. Its a formality to me.
So, with that said dear Sikhs...I'm on a downward spiral into manmukh central. Why? I haven't connected to Bani in so long and I haven't been going to sangat much. I look like a Gurmukh on the outside but if I don't connect with Bani soon, I will soon become a Beymukh, a monee. Do I have the balls to go get a haircut? Probably not yet, but don't think it hasn't crossed my mind. So my advice to those who have the third type of love I just wrote about. Don't ever let that go if you have it. You would be a total douche to let it go. Don't let the world make you feel like your Sikhee saroop is ugly or stupid. Bani is so important if you want to stay on this path.
If you happen to have the first type of love: don't let it make you forget who you are and don't ever let it consume you. If you have the second type, don't take it for granted.
-Keep it real.

Uh, Finally!

Wasn't able to post for months! FINALLY!
Ok, so I forgot half the stuff I was supposed to post about.
Whatevs...I have to focus for the next year anyways...and by focus...I mean on school work because TAA DAA! its my last year of uni. HELL YEAH!
I'll try to find time to come back here but we'll see...
For now...enjoy this coldplay song:

http://youtu.be/mzxoLZXF9SI

(YOU MEAN WE CAN'T LISTEN TO ANYTHING BESIDES KIRTAN?...get over yourself...)

;) keep it real.

Ramblings!

HAHAHA friends what a wonderful accomplishment...I've made it on to sikhiwiki's list of sikh bloggers! Whats the description of my blog?
"Ramblings"
Alright...I'll take that...and I'll run with it too...
Now, before I celebrate my new found celebrity status...let me assure you that my ramblings don't come easy. It takes a lot of careful typing and editing.
Alright, alright, I get it... I'm the old Bibi Ji sittin in the langar hall rambling away...except I use my laptop instead of my extremely high pitched voice that seems to overtake the speaker system when the dhadhi singh are on...don't act like you've never encountered her...
Hey...I keep it real ;)
My heavy course work is coming to an end so I'll soon have some more ramblings for those who dare to read...

Who else?

I beg and beg but who else can I beg from other than You?
I complain that I don't get the things I want...but who else can I complain to but You?

< / 3

My heart can only be broken so many times. My heart can only be ripped out of my chest once. I cannot bear anymore.
So why, Lord, do you keep shattering me? My vessel is empty, how much more are you going to take away?
Theres a treasure sitting in front of me so I reach over to grab it but as I attempt to do so, either my hands get chopped off or the treasure is ripped out of my grips.
I dont want to question our love anymore but why is it that you make me question it?
But then again I've always stupidly thought that success/material goods/happyness are the result of your love? Are they not? Am I just stupid? Probably...but please, stop breaking me...I can't take anymore...

True Devotion

There are jewels hidden from the harsh eyes of the world. One such jewel of a person is an elderly man in his 80s. Hunchbacked with a walk at the pace of a turtle, this man's will power is beyond his ability in age. He makes his way to the gurudwara sahib twice a day by bus even in the minus 30 degree weather of this city just to catch a glimpse of his true love, just to serve at the feet of the one that cherishes him. Today was one of those freezing winter days where he made his way by the transit bus but we were lucky enough to catch him going home before he had the chance to get to the bus shelter. "Baba ji! We can drop you off at home we are going the same way!". He was apprehensive to say the least but finally he hopped into the back seat of our truck. After reaching his home, he folded his hand in graditude to us and slowly made his way over to his doorstep. We waited to see if he would get in. 5 minutes had passed and despite his efforts in ringing the doorbell, no one answered. He frantically dug through the pockets of his jacket and kurta only to realize he had left his keys inside the house. "Baba ji! Come sit in the truck, its very cold...come to our house until your family comes home". Our pleas continued for at least 10 minutes but he wouldnt budge. "NO! I'm fine, I'm not cold", he argued, "I'm not worried about the cold, only the one above worries about the cold". Mind you, this man had on no gloves, no scarf, no longjohns. In this weather, one could suffer from frostbite within minutes of exposure. He continued, "The one above me takes care of me, only He worries for me, please go home now and stop worrying about me". There was still an hour before his family would come home from work. My heart sank, how could we just leave him here? What if he freezes to death? It was clear that he was getting very agitated with us. What could be done? His trust in Waheguru was stronger than any plea we could've made to him. Eventually, we left. I can't stop feeling guilty about leaving him but I learned a very valuable lesson today about trusting God even in the most difficult situations. And to respect my elders. Elder abuse should never happen...give your parents and grandparents rides people! They shouldn't have to take the bus while you ride around in your car like an asshole. It doesnt matter how much they refuse because they want to feel independent...its YOUR duty to make sure they get to places safely.

Death.

Went to a funeral for the first time today. Was kind of scared at first of seeing a dead body, of seeing things I have heard about, and just feeling really awkward.
I must say...it did make me think.
Today I conceptualized death in a whole new way. Before today, death was something only figurative in my mind. I mean, I know that it is inevitable, but I constantly forget that its a reality and that its occurrence is completely random. That when it happens, whether its your own death or a death of a loved one, things change dramatically. It was today that I realized that I'm always constantly forgetting that I am going to have to transition when this change happens.
Questions that crossed my mind as I stood in the crowded funeral home: when I look back at what I've done in my life, how will it effect my afterlife? What types of things will I have to repent for? What things, if any, will I be given peace for? Where does my fate lie? How will people react to my death? How will I be remembered, if I am even remembered at all?
The most important thought that has always astounded me is the thought of not existing. Of not being in this mirage of a world any more....of not being present in this temporary and perceived reality.
Today, I took away more than I expected as I cannot simply forget where I've been and where I'm headed. All I hope is that I am able to accept His will and that those around me will too when death happens to strike.
Rest in peace.